Hi, everyone! Do you know who I am? Don’t worry, I already know your answer:
NO. You don’t. I am a nobody, an unknown, an obscurity. But you know what else I am? A screenwriter. Or I should say “screenwriter.” I’m really not allowed to hold that title until I actually sell, option, or produce something. I’m aspiring. I’m a wannabe. But I’m also dedicated to mastering the craft, my own way. I’ve moved to Hollywood (well, Burbank, but it’s close) and now spend nearly all my free time doing SOMETHING pertaining to making me a better writer, whether is actually writing, watching a movie, reading a book, or just staring at a white screen, as are the other 5,345,867 aspiring screenwriters in this town. Who knows? Maybe wannabe number 5,345,868 will be the next William Goldman, or Shane Black, or Tony Gilroy. That possibility is the reason we’re all here after all, isn’t it?

I like to consider myself as someone who is dedicated to their craft and tries to live his life with no other purpose but to become successful at it. Now, it would be incredibly arrogant and contradictory of me to give tips or advice on how to become a successful screenwriter, but…well…here we go.
First off, I don’t presume to know how the business works, or how to be successful in it. All I can offer are my own observations (and annoyances) I’ve come across with other writers in my own position. Remember that Family Guy episode where those two “writers” are sitting in a coffee shop, typing on their laptops? The first guy says, “Hey, whatcha doin’ there?” to which the second guy responds, “Hey, just getting ready to write my big screenplay. You’re not a real writer unless people watch you write.” This is one of those annoyances. This really happens. I’ve done it.

The first thing to ask yourself is: Do you really want to be a screenwriter? Not “Do you want to be the next Tarantino?” Do you want to be a screenwriter? That means doing everything that comes with the territory: The dedication to the craft, the taxing financial, emotional, and physical investments, and the devastating realization that you’ll never be as talented as you think you are. And this isn’t a CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING lists. It’s a HAVE ALL OF THESE QUALITIES OR QUIT list. Once this crucial commitment is made and proven to yourself, you can start considering yourself to be an aspiring screenwriter. That means you have to WRITE something first. If you don’t have 90 pages of bullshit in your hands that you dedicated at least 3 months of your life to, you are not even an aspiring screenwriter yet.

Second, you must realize that the only way to learn how to write is to, what? You guessed it: WRITE!! Write anyway you want. Outline, no outline. Index cards, no index cards. Long hand or typing. Final Draft or Microsoft Notebook. Doesn’t matter. Just put down words and string them together. If you want to read Syd Field, Robert McKee, or Linda Seger, etc., more power to you, but just remember that reading books doesn’t make you a writer, they can only provide insight and advice. Reading about techniques in a book and actually applying them are two different things. They take a long, long time to get used to. I know. I’m still trying.

Third, let people read what you write. There is nothing more annoying than hearing someone say how much they love writing, but never let anyone read their stuff (Emily Dickinson Syndrome). That means they love writing for themselves. This is fine as a hobby, but if you want to be a professional, the only way to gauge how your work REALLY is, is for someone who’s not you to read it. I’m a firm believer that writers, of all kinds, are the toughest, most thick-skinned people in the world. They bear their souls for a living, only to have people tell them they suck. Which leads me to…

Four, RESPECT EVERYBODY WHO WRITES. We all know there are people writing screenplays who don’t know jack about telling a story in any conceivable way. It doesn’t matter. They’re not you. That’s just one less writer you have to compete with. But if you ever express it to them that way, good luck getting any respect for your work from anyone. Writers have to be thick-skinned when it comes to criticism of their own work, but when someone else’s is involved, you treat it as delicately as your new-born baby.

And my last point this time around, all writers have something in common: They’re losers. It’s true. Most of us aspiring Hollywood screenwriters are in our mid-20s to early-30s. That’s the time when everyone else is out at clubs partying, drinking, dancing, getting laid, whatever, but not us writers. We’d rather stay in our bed (but not a coffee shop. Please God, not a coffee shop) in a zombie-like state staring at a blinking cursor. That’s the work. That’s what we do. If I ever counted all the hours I’ve spent staring at blank white on a computer screen, I’d realize I could’ve been a brain surgeon by now.

So there you go. Just some simple musings from someone who has no idea what he’s doing. I leave you with a quote from one of the masters, William Goldman: “Writing is finally about one thing: going into a room alone and doing it. Putting words on paper that have never been there in quite that way before. And although you are physically by yourself, the haunting Demon never leaves you, that Demon being the knowledge of your own terrible limitations, your hopeless inadequacy, the impossibility of ever getting it right. No matter how diamond-bright your ideas are dancing in your brain, on paper they are earthbound.”

Happy writing. Till next time…

Jared Shipley